Im sitting here tonight and doing my endless research. Im learning more about how to really LOVE my son meanwhile my heart is breaking. Its breaking because im learning how his little mind works and just how different it is. I know about the aspergers but I have never read things posted by those living with it. See things from there point of view. I try very hard to do best for him and I see just how wrong I have been. I see that his current behavior issues stem from mine and Kory's ignorance of his deep needs that have gone unmet. I havent told alot of people this but his half brother was recently diagnosed with aspergers as well so its pretty obvious where he got it from but I know his "donor" isnt all to blame. I have my mental issues as well. I so badly want to do right by him and give him the best possible life. It is soooooo tough. The day to day constant battles and repeating the same things every day is frustrating and gets old and I often lose sight that he doesnt realize it. People around him see his intelligence and say hes just bored or hyper active. He really is an Aspie. if you want to get technical its soon to become PDD-NOS or HFA. Thats a lovely mouthful. Im gonna let ya'll figure that one out on your own. I guess I just need constant reminders of his needs and of his issues. I LOVE MY ASPIE!!!! I love him more than anything and I WILL prevail and get it right. He deserves it, WE deserve a happy life. I honesly am considering getting myself medicated just to help him which as some of you know would be the hardest thing ever with my family the way they are. Kory's family and Kory are well anti meds and Korys dad pushes shaklee bullshit. Reading all this aspergers stuff has really got me wondering if its a tiny part of me to. At $50 a pop for a visit I will stay on the back burner. For now I shall continue coping and stuffing my issues. I have been super irritable the last few days n now tonight even sounds bug me. Kory drinking is making me want to strangle him my dogs licking, Kory chewing ice, the sound of the ice moving in the cup. YUP...... Im NUTZZZ
so on that note. PEACE OUT!!!!!
(((HUGS))) Julz, you're figuring things out and doing everything that a good parent should do. When people are in denial nothing good comes of it. I am pro-meds, because I understand how the body and brain function together---or MAL-function as well. Swallowing vitamins or eating plant roots isn't always good enough to balance out the chemicals which have gone wonky in the system.
ReplyDeleteIf someone has a heart condition, epilepsy, cancer, etc......it would be terribly naive to think that drinking some funky juice made from god-knows-what is going to cure it.
Sometimes modern medicine is very necessary people!
A lot of society doesn't mind embracing the technological advances that entertain their narrow-minds.....but God-forbid a new med or treatment plan is released which might actually be effective!
Just keep doing what you're doing, and remember...Mama is number 1 always! If you're ok physically, mentally, emotionally.....then you are better equipped to do what needs to be done without freaking out or becoming exasperated.
Your kiddos are very lucky to have you. Hang in there, and remember how to reach me if you need to!
Love you Julz xxoo